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1. The ability to say what needs to be said regardless of how we or someone else might feel, is a skill one hones over time by the intentional abandonment of comfort. The more often you put off difficult tasks, the weaker willed you become, and the next time the task will be harder, aversion to action more enhanced, and the bag of regrets we all carry heavier.
2. One way to have the easiest difficult conversations is to institute the habit of honesty early on in all relationships. Most of us grow up learning that to say what we truly feel or think is bad. So we learn to say what people want to hear, and white lie our way through our relationships. What we forget is that the skill to tell big and difficult truths is built from smaller truths and by making the behavior the norm.
3. The best one can get to a “successful” difficult conversation, can only be accomplished through preparation. In life, the awareness of future obstacles triggers the instinct to prepare, so that these same obstacles seize to be. Why not do the same for difficult conversations? See. The nature of the subject will likely be emotional enough to bring the worst of all sides, and we both know that could lead to an unpredictably bad outcome. By preparing for conflict of any kind you keep your dark side at bay, just enough as to allow for the safe handling of your adversary’s in such a way as to allow for a healthy resolution.
4. Difficult conversations are timestamps for inevitable turning points. What you fear when you chose to hide as opposed to action, is that the now will forever better what tomorrow will be your present. If nothing moves you towards action and far away from inaction, let this be it. That which you avoid will come sooner or later. And to avoid the inevitable is to suffer twice instead of half as much. When you postpone, you feel the emotional torture of how the painful event will unfold as well as its consequences. You suffer both now and then. If you do what you have to do now you only suffer then. Or now. Whichever you prefer. They are all in one.
5. Every difficult conversation is an opportunity to learn. An opportunity to grow. The most important thing is not to win in the conversation, but to try to understand what you might have done wrong for the next time. Eventually, partially due to the wisdom only time brings, and partially due to experience handling difficulty, you get not only to understand the art of saying difficult things, but also come to appreciate it.
It is all about knowledge and experience 😉
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